Wedding speech material to adapt for when the groom is nuts or obsessive about a particular thing!
Basketball groom cake topper at the Confetti shop
By the father of the bride
‘When I found out that Luke had a first class degree from Oxford, I was naturally quite pleased. When Sophie told me that he had been tipped for the Board I was pleasantly surprised. But when she told me he was a Bolton Wanderers season ticket holder I went bloody ballistic!’
‘Apparently Steve’s a bit of a gadget freak. If it’s small, slim and gives you non-stop information 24/7, he’s got to have it. And now I come to think of it, I can see exactly what attracted him to my Lizzie.’
‘Andrew, like me, is mad about motorsport. We’ve bonded over team victories, fallen out over our Top Ten Drivers Of All Time lists, and shared tears when Murray Walker retired. So when Andy was setting a wedding date, he checked with me first that the big day didn’t clash with a race day. But I’d just like to say to those cynics out there who’ve noticed that their honeymoon is in Monte Carlo – where I’ll be joining them for day or two – that this is pure coincidence…’
By the best man
‘Nathan and I became friends when we met at scout camp aged 10. Ever since then, he’s been mad about the great outdoors. In fact, he fancies himself as a bit of a Ray Mears character. He can make a shower out of a pair of trousers, a tent out of a parachute and knows how stun a grizzly bear with a Frisbee. But ask him to make you a simple cup of tea… ‘
‘Bill and I worked together in a rock ‘n’ roll record shop when we were at university. Since then it’s been Elvis this, Elvis that. So when it came to choosing the song to be played for the couple’s first dance, it was obviously going to be a tough choice. Fortunately, I got a sneak preview of his shortlist this afternoon and hastily withdrew Hard-Headed Woman, Crying in the Chapel… and You’re a Devil in Disguise.’
‘It can’t have escaped anyone’s notice that Rick is mad about Arsenal – a love he, unfortunately, has not been able to share with Marie. So what advice can I give to Marie, the soon-to-be football widow? One: if you want a favour doing, ask just before kick-off, but tell him it can be done after the match. He’ll be putty in your hands. Two: Tell him you understand the offside rule. It doesn’t matter if you don’t, it’ll just save you hours of tedious explanations with ketchup bottle and pepper-pots. And three: go out shopping on Saturdays.’
By the bride
‘When I was first introduced to Barry, I was told that he loved cooking. As someone who has to refer to Delia to boil an egg, I knew I had to have him. I imagined breakfasts in bed, candlelit dinners and romantic picnics, all created by the love of my life. What more could a girl want? Unfortunately, what his mates failed to tell me is that it’s not so much cooking he’s mad about, but stuffing his face and swooning over Nigella Lawson!’
‘I’ll admit I had some ulterior motives when I first met Joe. It wasn’t his gorgeous blue eyes that attracted me. Nor his rugged handsomeness. I’ll confess it was his Workmate (his Black & Decker Workmate, not his colleague I hasten to add!). The thing is, I needed some shelves doing and he looked keen, willing and able. OK, so the house is now immaculate, but his hands are like sandpaper, he’s always putting his back out and has developed an allergy to lubricants. Roll on the honeymoon!’
By the chief bridesmaid
‘I remember when Mandy came back from her first date with Darren. She had stars in her eyes and was walking on cloud nine. She told me all about his puppy-dog eyes, his steadfast loyalty, his shiny hair and his irrepressible energy. It was ages before I realised she was describing Darren’s beloved German Shepherd, Benjy.’
